Just floating here…
I speak my own ENGRISH.
In many places and crevices of the internet, I’m known as TheEvilOlives, an odd name that many find amusing but eerie as well. I suppose it would be an appropriate time as any to explain why I chose it. Simple; it’s my critique on society. You always consider the other side, whether it be in war or a simple argument, as wrong and in the most extreme cases, evil. It’s not the easiest thing to consider yourself evil or for that matter, wrong. It’s easy to just be convinced that everything you do is right and all your actions are for the justice of the world. But what if you did consider yourself evil? Would that make you good? By nature, you would know how your actions would affect others or in the worse cases, hurt them. Does that make you anymore good than the rest of humanity or does it just make you more aware?
I simply see myself as aware, aware that at any moment, I could be wrong or even cruel. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve seen the things in my mind. When you are in control of a car have you ever consider how easy it would be run over a pedestrian? Or even just wondering what someone would do if you suddenly punched them? Of course I never act that way but the imagination does have control sometimes.
Anyways, that is my explanation why I chose that name.
Well it’s been awhile and honestly not much has happened since I last blogged. A few months ago I started university and it has been really great so far. I’ve been writing again which is fun because I’ve missed that most dearly. I tried writing this post before but my silly fingers accidentally clicked the close tab button before I could save so I’ll give you an excerpt from my new story since my hard worked synopsis is lost within the void of the internet.
The rain was heavy and it fell upon my hair making it frizz up. The alleyway was dimly lit but I could see just fine. The knife in my hand started to get slippery so I adjusted my grip on it. Suddenly footsteps echoed amongst the grime covered brick walls, I whipped around to find a black cat looking up at me with bright green eyes.
“Shush.” I told the cat.
“Meow!” It replied.
“The demons are out, you are going to get yourself killed!” I chided the cat.
More echoes bounced off the walls as the cat ran away, back to whatever it was hiding. I shook my head and slipped my knife back into it’s casing within my boot. That cat would eventually be found and killed- a matter of life in this day and age. No animals from the outside, none whatsoever.
I was just about to move on when a hand touched my shoulder and I whipped around. The hand belonged to a man with a buzz cut and a smile plastered onto his face. The whites of his eyes were gone just as I expected and his breath stunk of burnt almonds. I immediately put on a blank face and hoped he wasn’t too observant.
“Howdy there little lady! What are you doing up this late at night? The rain has already been turned on and you should be asleep.” The man said whilst still smiling with that creepy grin.
“I…I don’t know.” I stuttered.
“Well come on Ms…” He looked at my jumper. “Ms. Nova. I’ll take you home.” He grabbed my shoulder with a gentle but firm grip and started to lead me out of the alley.
Before we could even take one step, I tripped the man and flipped him onto his back. There, I grabbed a pill from my jacket and shoved it down his throat. He choked on it at first but then he finally swallowed while his grin faded.
“Take that, demons.” I spat into the sky and started to walk away.
The man wailed behind me as the solution finally took effect and all his emotions and memories came rushing back. He would wake up scared and afraid but he would be human. I may have doomed our race, but I saved humanity.
When I finally made it back to my apartment at the end of my shift, I used the communication system in my arm to report my victims of the night. I simply pressed a button imbedded into my forearm to telecom an officer outside the city that would relay my message to the elders.
“Agent Nova coming in.” I announced myself to the officer. “3 minions were found and the solution was used. No demon sightings. I’ve noticed less are being seen on the streets. I think the only way to get them is to infiltrate the corp. That is all.”
Demons were what we called the people who started this whole mess; those who worked for the Happy Smile Corporation. It was the demons who thought the world could use a little less sadness even if it was forced. These people created a medication that nulled every emotion that you could feel and replace it with bliss. It seemed like a good idea at first, people with depression and anger issues could use it but then suddenly doctors were prescribing it for everything, even the smallest of things that had no relation to emotional problems whatsoever. Something that the HS Corp probably paid someone to make sure that happened.
Soon there was no place on earth that the HS meds hadn’t reached, it was distributed in the aid sent to the towns ravaged by natural disasters, to soldiers and pretty much everywhere someone could think of. Then something worse happened. The puppets of HS Corps, the “politicians” decided that art was no longer needed. Any sort of innovation was no longer needed. We had gotten to a point where we could even control the weather above our cities that anything else was no longer needed.
However, nature could not be fooled that easily. We didn’t master all of the weather systems and thus storms beyond normal standards raged constantly in far lands away from the cities. Anyone who didn’t live in those safe cities would either die at the hands of mother nature or the bloodied hands of those giving the HS medication.
The minions I found today were the unlucky ones who just got caught up in the HS hype and forced to work the night jobs looking for those who resisted the effects of the meds. The organization that I work for is made of up those who either never got the horrid meds or actually had some sort of immunization to them. I was the latter, and as my family took the meds, I was left on the streets not sure of what to do until the Org found me. They never really had a name so I usually referred to them as Org like in the old times when people used the first internet.
The Org is super secretive and sometimes I don’t even know what they’re up to, for all I know their plan is to rip down the HS Corp brick by brick. I haven’t been told much of their plans for me yet, they might just leave me be in this city for now.
Besides writing, I’ve been playing a few new games. One of my recent favorite is Fallout: New Vegas and yes I know it’s old news by now but it’s new to me. The graphics are amazing and the little things like the cars and the old radios put you right into the scene of a nuclear America in the 50s. The movement is smooth and it’s just a really good game. The little stories you’ll find are like treasures within this huge world.
Anyways, enough of my swooning over fallout. I’ve decided to restart this blog and I hope you enjoy.
I had recently noticed in my room a strange smell coming from the corner. Today I finally checked up on it. It was my tortoise, she had passed away and was rotting in her darkened cage.
Recently, well more like the past few years, I had forgotten her to the needs of my cats, school, and what else had demanded my attention. I would forget to feed her, giver her water and turn on her light. I can only blame myself for her death. She was merely 24, only a quarter of her life had gone by and I didn’t care for her properly.
I am writing about this now because the grief is still raw and I am not entirely sure what I should do now. I am very angry at myself for this, before I knew I wasn’t being the best owner but did nothing for her anyways. This summer I had planned to give her away, to let her get a better owner but sadly, those plans came too late.
I am utterly struck by how stupid I was to think at age 7 that I could care for a creature like this.
Now let’s talk about the tortoise. Her name was Scratchy. When I had gotten her, she had been attacked by a raccoon and part of her shell had been ripped off. The guy at the pet shop gave us her in hopes she would have a better life. His hopes have been proven wrong.
She was a great tortoise for all the years I knew her and she deserved better than me. Rest in peace my friend. You deserve it.
This evening I enjoyed the movie Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was an indie film that was released earlier this year. The premise behind this movie (well book first) was a boy who had just been released from the psych ward tried to get back into life while still trying to deal with what had happened previously in his life. His aunt (who he loved very dearly) died when he was 10 while his best friend shot himself 8 months ago.
This is enough to drive one person mad so this teen is trying to readjust to life outside of the ward and to high school, a big part of American culture, along with being the most dangerous for a young person. This is the time in your life that many things will stay with you forever, the memories, the pictures, and even some of the friends.
All of this teen’s friends were also seniors (the last year of high school) and they healed him through their support and nonjudgmental love. This one character says to him “welcome to the island of misfit toys” a beautiful line that described everyone perfectly in that group. Misfits within the social hierarchy of the teenagers.
The seniors however had the growing sense of nervousness throughout the movie because as I have learned from experience, college after high school is a new chapter in our lives. Sadly however, the main character, is a freshman, the first year of high school, he still had so many days to go before he was free too. But what this kid learned in 9 months some people only learn in a lifetime. A very good line is “we only accept the love we think we deserve” which is entirely true. Sometimes we don’t think we deserve something because we know what goes on inside us but others who knows that and can see what you do and still love you for it, you deserve them. You may not know it but you do.
There is a reason why good people choose to love the wrong people, they do because they feel like they don’t deserve more than that.
As a new chapter of my life begins for I am going to college in the fall, I cannot help but relate to these characters in the movie. I was that scared, introvert freshman in the beginning but as I’ve grown throughout these 4 years, I feel like a young woman. I feel extraordinarily lucky to have my wonderful boyfriend along with the chance to leave this 2 star town and go on to do what I want.
But there will always be that uncertainty. That doubt in the back of my mind where I’m not sure if I’ve done the right thing, that I’ve become the best person I wanted to be. The only hope that I have is perhaps this is the time because the time is now. “The photos will fade and the memories will become old stories but for now we are here, we are infinite. “
My fingers were splayed on the cold, hard glass and the man across from me looked at me expectedly. “I don’t know, I just don’t know.” I said to my dad next to me.
“It’s what being adulthood is all about. You don’t know but you still have to make decisions. It isn’t like you’re magically going to be responsible and mature overnight as soon as you turn 18. Heck no! Someone of us never reach that. But you still have to make a decision.”
I bit my lip in the pressure of this decision. Turning back to the man in front of me I said, “I’ll have cookie dough please.” The man let out a huff like his job was the worst in the world and went away to fetch my ice cream. After he left and his trail of peppermint smell burned away, I still wondered if I made the right decision.
As some of you may know, recently I had to do one of the biggest decisions in my life. I had to choose with university I was going to go to for the next 4 years. It was my first real adult decision (beside ice cream) and I didn’t feel like I was ready for it. I felt like just a kid wearing her mommy’s clothes and her daddy’s confidence. How could and how can I make this big of a decision with the experience I have one me. 18 years isn’t that much, why the heck someone trust me to baby sit their child or even join the army and kill people?
But after a much deeper conversation with my dad than above, I figured something out. Adulthood isn’t an overnight thing, you learn it. No one knows anything when they first start out, they’re just as clueless as you. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them, knowing everything would take the fun out of it. Even know, my dad is still a kid and I plan on to too.
Tell me in the comments below when did you find out you were an adult or if you’re not already, what do you think being an adult means?
Today during one of my many english classes, the teacher decided that it would be a good idea to try a social experiment on us because well, why the heck not. I bet she gets bored in that classroom of hers…
So the whole idea was we write down in order of most talked about topics we talk about as teenagers from 1 -5. 1 being most and 5 being the least. So mine started with books (who would’ve guessed, right?) and ended with theoretical physics and philosophy (another odd thing about me, I can force anyone to go there) and then the teacher started calling people to share what they said, splitting it up from males to females, which was fascinating. However the teacher, I don’t think, picked the best people to represent each sex, the guys said sports and girls, while the girls said shopping and boys, something so cliche it wasn’t even funny. If you know anything about me, well I don’t exactly talk about boys or shopping at all, if anything I must be an outlier in this group of gender.
Soon the teacher started to make some speculations that people switch their conversations based on which sex they are talking to. Which I must also not have gotten the memo because I switch the topics depending on the interests of the person. Like my best female friend, we talk about movies, books, hot actors, and what not while with my boyfriend who is also my best male friend, we talk about books, video games, movies, philosophy and sometimes theoretical physics. I don’t change my conversations based on the sex of someone, I base it on their interests because, I don’t know about you guys, but I want to know more about the person I’m talking to and get something real out of this brief human interaction. I don’t surround myself with people because they’re “popular” I surround myself with people I can trust and relate to. I like to see people as people. Dreams and all.
Tell me your top five conversations in the comments
You know what fascinates me the most about DNA? Every living thing you see is made up of the same amino acids, the only thing that changes is their order.
We share 80% of our order with bananas and 99% with other people around us. It is that 1% that makes you, well you. But no matter what you think, your DNA is very special. You are the only one in the whole universe that has it.
The other day I had the honor of helping a religious extremist parent try to get her son onto our server. It wasn’t until yesterday did we find out the extremist was actually a player on our server who was just trolling us. I had actually believed them, because in my experiences, those people that say “those game developers are ensnared by satan” or “kids weren’t meant to date in their teens” actually do exist. In fact, I live with one who constantly judges my choices just because I have a wider view of the world than she does.
I don’t go the route of my-religion-is-better-than-yours-because-I’m-awesome, that just feels wrong. I don’t try to judge people based on their choices because in an odd way, they are us, they are the version of us that grew up in different conditions and lived different lives. However, when it comes to religious extremists of any faith, that really annoys me, they don’t try to see other people as human, only as things to be used so they can claw their way to the top, in my opinion.
However, everyone deserves to be respected until they prove unworthy, so respect someone even if their views don’t agree with yours. We’re all humans that make mistakes and led astray.
Recently, it’s been prom season and I’ve seen tons of people going around getting asked or asking people to go with them. I usually smile for them but one thing that always confused me was, I’ve never been asked. I don’t consider myself an abnormally ugly person no do I think I have a disgusting personality, so the question becomes, why?
But the answer was staring my blatantly in the face. I had distanced myself from these people I call my peers. I never really made too much of an effort to get attached, when it comes to parties, I usually make up an excused to get out of that because I just don’t feel comfortable with that kind of things. Thus, these people had simply forgotten about me and asked another person.
This whole getting asked thing bugged me a lot last year but this year, after meeting my boyfriend, I’ve been feeling a bit better. I’ve realized the world is a bigger place than it first seems.